You remember how much you love lemon bars. I forget about how good lemon bars are until I see them somewhere and remember that I love them.
How do I sum up the last couple of months in the lives of our little family? I have no idea. I don’t have special words or anything like that.
I know that overall, in life in general, I tend to be a very independent person. I have felt like sometimes God tries to tell me “Hey Beth, it’s okay to lean on people, and by people I mean ME and stop leaning on your own understanding!” (I’m sure He talks like that) and I largely ignore that and continue on sort of expecting that I’ll handle everything myself. I’m super good at listening to God, obviously. And then out of nowhere life gets really weird, weird to the extent that if I say out loud everything that’s actually going on, it feels like I’m making it up and this is Days of Our Lives or something.
In July I had surgery to have a tumor removed from my thyroid. Recap, a tumor I only knew about because I got pregnant (after having a tubal ligation 3 years ago). Last year we had a needle biopsy and by “we” I mean “me” because I was the only one with the tumor. Anyway, it was inconclusive so we knew after Jude was born it would come out. It had gotten larger since last year already! So that sucker came out in July. 5 days later we found out it was cancer. So, in keeping with tradition (I’m not sure what tradition, I just wanted to say that) I had surgery one week and one day after the first one and had the rest of my thyroid removed. So I’m sitting here without my thyroid. (Also without an appendix since 2011, does that make you feel as weird as it makes me feel? I’m missing random little organs I knew basically nothing about) The good news is that thyroid cancer is super treatable when you catch it early. So these days I get no thyroid meds as we await an iodine radiation treatment in the next weeks. What that means is I’m real tired. Real. tired.
Anyhoo, back to the point. Imagine this, you are exclusively nursing this cute dude:
And then your husband has to be up with him all night for the first time ever with bottles so you can have surgery, oh and watch all the other boys too. It was good times I’ll tell ya. A friend suggested I send them this picture every time someone asked how I was doing.
But you know what? Everything was fine. The boys were fine. I had super visitors. I had people help with the kids.
Following the surgery, the coolest thing happened. A friend set up a website for people to bring us food or send us food for like 9 days. I figured maybe one or two people would do it. I’m ashamed to say that it surprised me, but every single day was covered, and people even brought groceries and food who didn’t sign up. People have sent cards and sweet little reminders that they’re praying for us. When I went into the second surgery, I was more nervous than the first one because this time I KNEW what I’d feel like when I woke up. Then I remembered so many people were praying and, true story, I felt better. It totally helped. I’m such a child that I forgot that prayer works.
People keep asking how I feel about it all and generally I’m fine. I’m a logistical worrier. I worry about my family and food and getting here and there. I worry about the increasing lethargy that has recently set in, with school starting next week (and kids at 4 different schools!) and a work fundraiser in a couple of weeks, and how I’m gonna manage that feeling so tired. Then I remember that as long as I focus on today, that’s really all I need to do. God has this. I’m not worried about the cancer part. I mean, if God’s gonna give me a miracle baby to let me know it’s there, how could I worry about the outcome of that? I feel pretty secure that it’s meant to be, whatever it ends up as.
We had VBS at church last week (life goes on you know). Our young kids are boy-heavy, so when reenacting the scene of the women visiting Jesus’ empty tomb, we had to have some substitutes.
See, even in VBS when you think it can’t work because it doesn’t look like you expected it to, it really does work. And it’s pretty good. Like a lemon bar.